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Dear ron, jake and i are civilly married and have been together 3 years. We are going thru the marriage preparation and are looking forward to our ceremony in september. We have a very loving and intimate sex life and were trying to educate ourselves on the teachings of the catholic church. Now, everybody hold on, and read my whole response before you object! Alphonsus and all the traditional moral theologians of the church do not allow what is called oral sex as part of foreplay for natural sexual intercourse. Two books that offer specific directions about the catholic churchs teaching on oral sex are christopher wests good news about sex and marriage answers to your honest questions about catholic teaching (ann arbor, mi servant publications, 2000) and vincent genovesis in pursuit of love catholic morality and human sexuality (collegeville, mn the liturgical press, 1996). Most people have at least heard that sex before marriage is sinful, so they state that foreplay (heavy petting) is not really sex. Surveys now show that many teenagers are convinced that oral sex is not really sex, even though the word appears in the phrase. Is oral sex a sin in marriage? What about oral sex before marriage? Oral sex can be a beautiful and pleasurable way to bring more intimacy, pleasure, and connection within your marriage. If its not happening in your marriage and youd like it to, talk about it with your spouse. If theyre not comfortable with it, talk about the reasons why.   two books that offer specific directions about the catholic churchs teaching on oral sex are christopher wests good news about sex and marriage answers to your honest questions about catholic teaching (ann arbor, mi servant publications, 2000) and vincent genovesis in pursuit of love catholic morality and human sexuality (collegeville, mn the liturgical press, 1996). This means the following things are not allowed in the sexual act, even in marriage. Using your example of oral sex, most catholic moralists agree (some do not, but reasonable minds can differ on non-definitive matters), that oral sex is licit as a form of foreplay. Anything that is intended to fulfill sexual desires, even kissing and touching, is still sex and immoral before marriage. Sex is intended for a committed man and woman, and that commitment is made through marriage. Ksawery knotz has a message for all married catholic couples out there theres nothing wrong with a steamy sex life.

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